


The Verge of Anything

by Rochelle_Templer



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Father's Day, Father-Son Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 15:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11360274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rochelle_Templer/pseuds/Rochelle_Templer
Summary: Squall and Laguna make plans to celebrate Father's Day together, but things do not go as planned.





	The Verge of Anything

**Author's Note:**

> This one was written as a Father's Day challenge.

Standing near the door to his rooms at the Presidential Palace, Laguna Loire knew that there was something wrong.

Three weeks ago, Laguna had managed to persuade his son, Squall Leonhart, to have dinner with him on Father’s Day. Actually, Laguna was sure that ‘persuade’ did not encompass the lengths he had gone to in order to convince Squall to agree to dinner. Words like ‘cajole’, ‘pester’ and ‘badger’ were also equally apt and necessary to convey the extent of his efforts.

Laguna let out a huff and paced around the room. A part of him hated how he often had to resort to such tactics, but the larger part of him understood why it couldn’t be helped.

_‘He’s spent years thinking that he didn’t have a father,’_ he pondered. ‘ _At least, not one who was still alive. It’s probably still too weird for him to think of me that way. Especially on an occasion like this.’_

As he paced, Laguna considered that the fact that he had managed to convince Squall to celebrate Father’s Day with him at all was a sign of the progress they had made.

By this point, it had been over a year since Laguna had found out about having a son from Ellone and only a little less than that since the subsequent discussion he had with Squall where he let him know the truth as well. It took four more months after that day before Squall would speak to him again, and then another three months after that before any of the words his son had for him were civil ones. When he finally did decide to have a calm, rational conversation with him, Squall had a list of terms that he made sure to detail for Laguna.

“ _I’m not calling you ‘dad’. I didn’t call anyone that growing up, and I’m not going to start now. And don’t think that you can tell me what to do. I have my own life, and you do not have any sort of ‘parental authority’ over me.’_

There were plenty more conditions, and while some of them had definitely hurt to listen to, Laguna agreed to them. At the time, he was certain that it was either that or he would end up forfeiting any chance of building any kind of relationship with his son. That and the fact that there was a dark corner in his soul that still harbored almost unbearable guilt over what he had allowed to happen to Raine and Squall, made it easy for him to submit to Squall’s demands.

Still, if there was one characteristic of his personality that always managed to shine through, it was his optimism. Laguna continued to hold onto hope that time and patience would slowly chip away at the tension between them and at the anger in Squall’s heart. In many respects, Laguna felt like he had succeeded on this end with the new routines that they had built up over the last four months. These days, Laguna could expect a brief message from Squall once a week and a visit once a month, barring SeeD activities that could interfere with that schedule. These messages and visits were still strictly casual and somewhat awkward, but Laguna noticed that Squall was starting to enjoy spending time around him. At least, it seemed that way to Laguna.

‘ _He was pretty excited to be able to attend that weapons expo in Deling a month ago,’_ Laguna thought. ‘ _He even smiled a few times. He was probably surprised that he was able to get in, but he should know by now that there are perks to having the president of Esthar as his father.’_

_‘Father.’_ That one word still had a poignant quality about it, and most of the time, Laguna tried to think about it as little as possible.  The relationship he had now with Squall was friendly, but Laguna knew he would be kidding himself if he called it familial, and as time continued to drift by with only occasional and incremental improvement, Laguna was beginning to believe that things would not get much better than this.

‘ _It’s fine,’_ he often tried to tell himself. ‘ _Two years ago, I didn’t even know I had a son. All I had were memories and a glimpse of a life I could have had. Now, I have a family, albeit a family that I don’t often get to see and that makes sure to keep me at arm’s length, but still a family. That kind of second chance is not a gift that life hands out very often. I’m lucky that I got an opportunity to know my son, let alone spend all this time with him. ’_

Most of the time, Laguna was able to keep himself content with thoughts like these. He couldn’t deny, however, that he continued to cling to this errant wish that someday Squall would see him more like a father instead of just a guy who he could hang out with when he wasn’t busy.

 It was the reason why Laguna had pushed so hard for his son to have dinner with him this evening and why he had been so thrilled when Squall gave in to his request. In Laguna’s mind, Squall agreeing to celebrate Father’s Day with him was an indirect acknowledgment of his status as his father, and Laguna was ecstatic that Squall did not balk at the idea.

 Laguna stopped pacing and looked again at a clock on the opposite wall. Squall was fifteen minutes late. For most people, that was not a cause for alarm, but for Laguna, it was reason enough to start worrying.

‘ _Squall is never late for anything. Ever. Probably all that training he got as a SeeD. Ah, what am I saying, I’m sure it goes deeper than that. Knowing him, he was probably born right on time.’_

_‘So where is he?’_

Laguna looked over at the communication screen on the wall next to him, and was about to use it when he hesitated.

‘ _Calm down, Laguna. Just because he’s late doesn’t mean that something is horribly wrong. He’s the commander of Balamb Garden. There could be any number of things that could delay him. Hyne knows, I am thoroughly aware of how many distractions and interruptions can pop up at the last minute. He’s probably tied up with paperwork or some annoying staff problems. And I’m sure the last thing he’ll want is me nagging at him about tonight.’_

_‘That is if he remembered about tonight. What if he didn’t? He might have accidentally forgotten about it with him being so busy.’_

_‘Or….maybe it wasn’t an accident that he forgot. Maybe he got to thinking about it and realized that he didn’t want me to get the wrong idea about how things are between us.’_

Laguna’s shoulders slumped, and he started to contemplate calling up Ward and Kiros to see if they would be willing to go out drinking with him when a knock at the door startled him.

Laguna dashed over to open it and was surprised and relieved to find Squall standing outside.

“Sorry I’m late,” he muttered as he stumbled into the room. “I got caught up in a mess at Garden.”

“That’s ok,” Laguna assured him. “The restaurant will hold our reservation all night if they have to. I know the owners, great bunch of guys. We’ve got plenty of time.”

Squall nodded slightly and Laguna grinned while grabbing a jacket from a hook near the door.

“Well, shall we get going?” he said. “Wait until you try the seafood dishes at this place. I’m telling you; only the best restaurants in Balamb have menus that could even come close.”

Laguna lightly patted Squall on the shoulder and was shocked when Squall let out a harsh groan of pain in response. It was then that Laguna noticed how pale Squall was and how his posture was stiff and unnatural.

“Squall, are you all right?” he asked, worry lacing his tone. “What’s wrong?” Laguna looked again at the place where he had touched Squall and his eyes widened when he noticed a dark stain, about the size of a fist, on Squall’s shirt.

“Squall…you’re bleeding,” Laguna said, swallowing hard.

Squall closed his eyes and swore under his breath. He tried to take a step forward, but ended up stumbling again. This time though, Laguna was there to hoist him up by his uninjured arm and started to lead him to the couch.

“Squall….?”

“It’s nothing,” Squall replied in a strained voice. “Just a training center mishap. I thought it was patched up, but I guess it was worse than I thought.”

Laguna helped him sit down and then rushed out of the room. A few moments later, he came back with a first aid kit in his hands.

“Training center mishap?” Laguna said as he knelt down in front of Squall and opened the kit. Squall sighed and leaned forward.

“I was going over some basic battle techniques with the new cadets when we were attacked,” he said. “Apparently, no one had noticed that a high level Death Claw was lurking in the training center. I tried to deal with it on my own so the cadets could get away and get help. And I just about had it when it blasted me in the face with its Gas attack. That’s when I got this scratch.”

“Scratch? Hardly,” Laguna scoffed. “Take off your shirt so I can look at it.” Squall complied and Laguna gritted his teeth when he saw blood slowly seeping into a bandage that looked as it was hastily put on.

“Did the doctor at the infirmary take care of this?” Laguna asked. “Because if so, then you need a new….”

“No, no it wasn’t Doctor Kadowaki,” Squall said. “She was busy and I didn’t have time to wait. I just used a cure spell to close up the wound and stop the bleeding and then I bandaged it myself. I guess it opened up again.”

“Looks like,” Laguna grimaced. He started to pull out some fresh dressings and salves out of his kit, but when Squall noticed what he was doing, he flinched and backed away a bit.

“Hey, don’t worry, Squall. It will be ok,” Laguna said. “When I was a soldier, I used to give first aid to Kiros and Ward all the time.”

“They actually let you do that?” Squall asked. “They were even braver soldiers than I thought.” Laguna started to frown, but then he saw a flicker of amusement in Squall’s eyes and he ended up chuckling instead.

“Ha ha, lame joke,” Laguna said. “Now hold still. You need to get that taken care of or it will open up even more.”

Squall shrugged slightly, wincing as he moved his injured shoulder and leaned back forward so Laguna could tend to him.

“What happened to the Death Claw?” Laguna asked as he worked. He wasn’t truly that interested, but he figured that an explanation might take his mind off of the awful chore he was involved in right now.

“I was able to fend it off until Selphie and Irvine showed up,” Squall said. “I guess they were hanging out in the ‘secret area’ in the training center again.”

“’Secret area’?”

“Don’t ask,” Squall said. “Anyway, once Selphie showed up, she summoned Bahamut and then….”

“Boom! Right?” Laguna said, making sure to be as careful and gentle as he could while he re-bandaged Squall’s shoulder.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Squall said with a short laugh that soon dissolved into a hiss of pain when Laguna pressed a tender spot on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Laguna murmured as he finished binding the wound.  Squall took a deep breath and shook his head.

“No, it’s ok,” he said. “Thank you for doing that. It actually does feel a little better now.”

“See, what did I tell you?” Laguna gulped even as he tried to smile. He stood back up and went to return the kit to one of the cabinets. He then stopped at a sink to wash off his hands.

Up to this point, he had made sure to remain calm so he could take care of Squall, but watching pale, transparent crimson swirls circle down into the drain with the running water made his stomach turn. The fact that he had just had his son’s blood on his hands finally sank in, and Laguna took several deep breaths while he waited for his hands to stop shaking. After a few moments of concentration, Laguna finally got a hold of himself and went to his room, grabbing the first shirt he saw, before going back out to Squall.

“Here,” Laguna said, tossing him the shirt. “I’m pretty sure we’re the same size.”

Squall caught the shirt and nodded. He was about to put it on when he paused and inspected the garment more carefully, turning it around in his hands.

“Laguna….you can’t possibly expect me to wear this.”

“Why not? It fits doesn’t it?”

“It has chocobos on it. Poker playing chocobos.”

“Ah yeah. Ward got me that for my birthday. Apparently Kiros talked him into it.”

“What did you do to Kiros that made him so bent on revenge?”

“Hey, I like that shirt. I’ll have you know I met with the mayor of Fisherman’s Horizon with that shirt on just this last week. And before you say anything, you should know that what he had on was even louder than this.”

“And you actually think that that will make me want to put this on?”

“Come on, Squall, it’s not like you can put your own shirt back on. It’s got blood on it.”

Squall scowled, but finally relented and slipped the shirt on. As he buttoned up the front, Laguna got up and went to his communication screen.

“What are you doing?” Squall asked.

“Canceling our reservations and getting some stuff delivered,” Laguna replied. “You’re in no shape for a night out.”

“Not with this shirt on, I’m not.”

“Ok fine, you hate the shirt. I get it,” Laguna said, throwing up his hands in mock exasperation. “Just tell me, are you in a pizza mood or do you want something a little more exotic?”

* * *

 

Almost an hour later, Laguna slumped down on the couch with Squall sitting silently beside him. Even though they had just had a filling and pleasant meal together, Laguna noted how Squall slouched in his seat and the way his head sometimes drooped. Squall’s obvious fatigue was more than enough to convince Laguna that he had made the right decision to stay in and give his son a chance to rest. He thought about asking Squall if he wanted to watch a movie or something when Squall startled him by speaking first.

“Sorry about dinner,” he mumbled. Laguna smiled and put a hand to the back of his head.

“Ah don’t worry about it,” Laguna said. “It’s not like we didn’t get to eat, right?  Besides, it had been a while since I had gotten take out from that place, so it was a nice change of pace. Best sesame beef in all of Esthar, in my opinion.”

“True,” Squall said as sank downward, gingerly positioning himself so as to not put any pressure on his shoulder.

“To tell you the truth though, it’s times like this that I wish you were someone else,” Laguna said.

“Someone else?” Squall said.

“Yeah,” Laguna sighed. “Sometimes I think about how different your life could have been if I had been there for you growing up. I’m sure you could have been anything, and I wish I had given you that opportunity.”

Laguna was about to say something more, but a glance at Squall made the words freeze in his throat. Ice-blue eyes filled with anger and disbelief greeted him, and Laguna was about to ask what was wrong when Squall turned his face away from him.

“Sorry that I disappoint you so much,” Squall growled at him. “Not everyone can blunder into being the president of a country.”

“Squall…that’s not what I meant. I….”

“And I did just fine without you there to hold my hand and guide me through life,” Squall continued. “Besides, you should hardly talk about what a person should be. You joined the Galbadian army even though you don’t really like to fight. You talked about being a journalist all the time, and but only did it when you needed money to travel. You became the president of Esthar simply because you weren’t paying attention…So what, exactly, were you trying to be during all that time?”

Laguna tried desperately to think of an answer to that question, but nothing he could think of felt adequate for the situation.

“Maybe you don’t think much of it, but I happen to like my life,” Squall added. “I know that I accomplish a lot in the world as a SeeD and I know that I have people who will be there for me when I need them…unlike other people who weren’t there when I needed them in the past.”

Laguna knew that that last bit was meant from him, and even though he had heard it before, the sting of those words never abated in the least. He thought that Squall would say more, but Squall ended up frowning and staring at the floor instead.

‘ _Great job, Laguna,’_ he thought to himself glumly. ‘ _Now he thinks that I don’t respect his choices in life and that I secretly wish that he could be more in line with some ideal in my own mind. I guess this is what Kiros means when he says that I can’t keep my shoe on the other foot or something like that.’_

Laguna looked over at his son again. He wished that he could take back what he had said even though he knew it was impossible, and he questioned his ability to find the right words to explain himself.

‘ _No, I have to say something,’_ he told himself. _‘I have to try to fix this. I can’t let him think that I think less of him somehow because of the life he has.’_

“Squall…I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really sorry for how that sounded. I really did not mean that at all.” Squall narrowed his eye at him.

“What did you mean?” he said, his tone clearly a challenge. Laguna took a deep breath as a way to calm his apprehension and halt the cramp that was creeping into his leg, dismayed when it didn’t help at all.

“I didn’t mean that I wished that you weren’t the person you are today,” he continued. “I mean, you’re right, the presidency of Esthar kind of fell into my lap. But you, you’re the commander of Balamb Garden, and not by accident. You’re there because you’re excellent at what you do. And the reason why you are a top ranking SeeD is because you are smart, brave and strong. You have the spirit of a warrior and it shows not only on the battlefield, but also in life, in the way you don’t let life defeat you.”

Laguna paused and ran a hand through his hair. Squall continued to be silent, but he was paying attention, and Laguna decided that that was a positive sign.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Squall,” he said. “What you do, it kills me sometimes. It kills me that you risk your life so often. It kills me when you get hurt, like what you did tonight. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you contact me every week because I will admit that there are times when I worry about you. And it’s not because I don’t approve of what you do or because I don’t think you can take care of yourself. It’s because you’re my family, Squall, my son. Honestly, I get scared sometimes when I think about how I could lose you, and I wonder if I can handle that kind of loss again….”

Laguna inwardly cursed himself for addressing Squall as his son, nervous that Squall might not appreciate it. He thought about stopping before he said anything else he could end up regretting, but his heart pushed him to continue to pour his feelings out.

“When I say that I wish you weren’t you, it’s because I wish you weren’t the one who has to be in the front lines, fighting to help everyone else,” Laguna added. “And I wish that I had had the chance to give you all the things a father should give his son. It’s not because I think any less of who you turned out to be. Not at all.”

Laguna let out a gust of air and fell back against the cushions, closing his eyes.

‘ _Was that too over the top?’_ he wondered. ‘ _Squall’s not exactly the touchy-feely type. That may have been super uncomfortable to listen to.’_

“Laguna.” Laguna’s eyes opened and he looked to see Squall staring at him, his expression far calmer than it had been a few moments ago.

“Apology accepted,” Squall said. “Let’s just forget about it.” Laguna grinned and sat back up.

“Fine with me,” he said. “So, how about a movie or something?”

“Wait,” Squall said, reaching into his back pocket. “I have something for you.” Laguna’s eyes bulged in shock.

‘ _A present? For me?’_ It was the last thing he was expecting, and thus, he was stunned when Squall held out a small rectangular box toward him.

“Open it,” he said. Laguna snatched the box away and ripped it open.

“A pen?” Laguna said.                       

“Yes,” Squall said. “But it doesn’t just write on paper. You can connect it with any computer and then you can write on any surface and it will upload to a file on that computer. That way you can write whenever and wherever you feel like it.”

“That’s really cool,” Laguna said. “Thank you, Squall. But I have to ask, what made you think of this?”

“Kiros mentioned a store here in Esthar that sold unusual gifts,” Squall said. “When I saw it, I thought about all those articles you wrote for Timber Maniacs and how you keep wishing that you can share all the stuff you see and experience. That…and for some reason, it’s like you seem more at peace when you try to write something or when you talk about it. Glad you like it.”

“I love it,” Laguna laughed, trying to doodle on his coffee table and watching neon impressions of his drawings appear and then fade before his eyes. He did this for several minutes until a sound from Squall caught his attention.

“Laguna…you said that I could have been anything,” he said. “What about you?”

“Huh?”

“All the things that happened in your life, all the things you stumbled into and were a part of,” Squall replied. “You had the opportunity to be just about anything yourself. Was any of it what you were wishing for?”

Laguna put a hand to his chin and nodded thoughtfully for a second before looking up at Squall with a smile.

“Sure,” he said. “There was one thing that I became that I had always wished for.”

“What was that?” Laguna leaned a little closer, his grin growing wider.

“A father,” he said. Squall blinked and nodded as he turned to carefully reposition himself.

“What you said about a movie, that sounds like a good idea,” Squall said.

“Great. Any ideas?”

“I’ve got the perfect choice,” Squall said with a smirk. He pulled out a small disc from another pocket in his pants and handed it to Laguna.

“ _The Sorceress and the Knight_?!”Laguna said, wincing. “Where did you find this?”

“I told you that shop had some…unusual items for sale,” Squall chuckled. “Including obscure movies featuring the future president of Esthar.”

“I may have to destroy Kiros,” Laguna grumbled.

“So, how about starting this movie up?”

“We are not watching this,” Laguna insisted.

“You’re the one who suggested a movie,” Squall shrugged.

“Calling this a movie is too kind,” Laguna said.

“You seemed really proud of it when you wrote about it in Timber Maniacs.”

“That’s because I was desperate and didn’t know any better. Come on, Squall, you’re not really going to make us watch this, are you?”

 “I suppose we could call it a night and I could go back to Garden,” Squall said. “There is a pile of paperwork on my desk that I should try to get to.” Laguna let out a long sigh.

“Ok fine,” he said. “But you tell anyone about this, and I’ll make sure that you get a whole chocobo themed wardrobe for your next birthday.”

“You do that, and I will make sure a certain fire-based GF visits you in the middle of the night,” Squall said with another smirk. “You have been warned, Laguna.”

Laguna laughed and put the disc into a video console. It started to play immediately, and Laguna groaned as he watched the hokey credits sequences flash on the screen.

‘ _Squall’s never going to let me hear the end of this, even if does keep it between us….Ah who cares? We had a great dinner, and he actually gave me a present for Father’s Day. And he did all that with an injured shoulder. He could have stayed at Garden and just told me that he couldn’t make it, and he would have had a legitimate excuse. But he still came…and I’m pretty sure he did that because he knew how much this meant to me.’_

Laguna rolled his eyes when he heard Squall chuckle even more at the bombastic opening narration. Even though he was sure that he was in for plenty of teasing before the night was through, Laguna did not think his night could get any better than this.

“Dad.”

Laguna started and he felt his heart jump into his throat. He was certain that it was Squall’s voice that he had just heard and that he had just called him “dad”.  He then realized that he was very wrong when he thought that he could not be any happier than he was a few seconds ago.

“What is it, Squall?” Squall turned his head and looked downward.

“Happy Father’s Day,” he mumbled. Laguna beamed at him for a full minute before settling back down on the couch and facing the screen.

“Thank you, son.”

Squall nodded and went back to watching the movie with him. The conversation quickly shifted back to a much lighter tone and remained that way for the rest of the night. Even though it was relentless, Laguna didn’t mind Squall’s ongoing critique of his acting prowess.

For Laguna Loire had just received the one gift that was the most precious to him, and he knew that he would treasure that moment and this entire evening for the rest of his life.


End file.
